19th Sunday after Pentecost
Genesis 32:24-32
Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then the man said, “Let me go, for the day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” So, the man said to [Jacob], “What is your name?” And [Jacob] said, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But, the man said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there, he blessed [Jacob]. So, Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.” The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip. Therefore, to this day the Israelites do not eat the thigh muscle that is on the hip socket, because the thigh muscle on the hip socket is where [God] struck Jacob.
The In-between
October 8th was the one-year anniversary of my arrival to Montana. I can’t believe it’s already been a whole year, especially with everything that happened to me the summer before I got here. Since it has been a year, I figured it was time for another shoulder update. Just a quick explanation in case there’s anyone out there who doesn’t know what I’m talking about, I severely injured my shoulder right before moving here. I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks, and needed 6 weeks of IV antibiotics after that. I was supposed to arrive here on August 29, of 2021, but I didn’t get here until October the 8th.
It took me a while to start writing today’s sermon. I think it’s because I realized early in the week that I wanted to revisit the traumatic experiences of that summer, and I think subconsciously, I was trying to avoid them. Most people who know me know about the injury, but that wasn’t the only thing that went wrong that summer.
On my last Sunday at Sleepy Hollow Presbyterian Church, where I was serving as the youth minister before I came here, they had a special farewell service for me. During the reception, one of the women at the church accidentally backed into my car in the parking lot, breaking off the driver side rear-view mirror and putting a big dent in the door. It seemed to be some kind of omen, especially since it happened at my farewell service, and I had already hurt my shoulder. But, things happen, and nobody got hurt. At most, it was an inconvenience.
Now, in order to move to Montana, I needed to get all of my stuff here. And, in order to do that, I arranged for U-Haul to drop a pod off at the house where I was living. I would fill up the pod with all of my things, and they would pick it up a few days later, and ship it to Montana.
Well, the day came when the pod was supposed to arrive, but it didn’t. I called U-Haul, and they told me that they did have a record of me scheduling the drop-off, but that the order somehow never made it to their scheduling department.
Like I said, I was already injured at this point, and I was in a lot of pain. I was getting weaker by the day, and I was also starting to get a little delirious, because my torn pectoral muscle had gotten infected. Also, I still had the whole car thing to deal with. The last thing I needed was to wade through the backwaters of U-Haul bureaucracy in order to get my pod. It was at this point that I started to wonder. Did God really want me to go to Montana?
It was kind of like this scene where Jacob is wrestling with God. Was God actually trying to stop Jacob from crossing the river to meet his brother, Esau? Or, is this story a metaphor about struggling with the in-between places in our lives, the so-called liminal places, when we’re transitioning from one place to another, or one state of being to another, like the changing seasons, or when we get a new job. Or, when we mourn the death of a loved one.
Jacob was on his way to see his brother Esau, who he had not seen in some time. Jacob and Esau were twins, but Esau was born first. As the firstborn son, Esau had the right to inherit a larger portion of their father Isaac’s wealth when he died. But, Jacob tricked Esau out of his birthright, and also tricked him out of their father’s blessing. So, you might imagine that Jacob was not looking forward to this meeting.
As he was nearing the place where Esau lived, Jacob sent his wives and his eleven children ahead of him across the river, but he stayed behind. Our reading says that he wrestled with a man all night long, a man who turned out to be God. God struck Jacob on his hip socket, putting it out of joint, and then gave Jacob a blessing. After that, God renamed Jacob, calling him Israel, which means “wrestled with God.”
We often find ourselves wrestling with God in the in-between times. Should I move to another state? Another country? Is this what I should do with my life? Is this the right career path? Why is this happening?
Change is hard. My brother, Brian, who was a sociology major in college, like to tell me that human beings are pattern seeking creatures. When something significant happens in our lives, we often try to apply meaning to it. That’s what I started to wonder about, when all of these bad things started happening to me right as I was getting ready to move to Montana.
It didn’t make sense to me that I would get injured this badly, that my car would get backed into while sitting in a parking lot, and that my U-Haul pod wouldn’t get delivered, if I was supposed to go to Montana. I started to wonder: God, what are you doing? What are you trying to tell me? Do you want me to go to Montana or not, because it doesn’t feel like you want me to go.
But, I never got the sense that God was telling me to stay. In fact, it was the opposite. I knew that this was what I was supposed to do. It didn’t matter that all of these bad things were happening.
The woman who hit my car did everything she could to help with the insurance and getting my car fixed. Between her and my dad, I hardly had to lift a finger to resolve that issue.
I had two friends who helped me take care of the whole U-Haul thing. Because the pod had to be delivered on such short notice, U-Haul had to hire a third-party moving company to bring the pod to my house. The pod was eventually delivered, and the guys who delivered it helped to fill it up with all of my things.
The biggest issue, of course, was my shoulder. I’ve talked about it a lot, so I’ll just say that my dad got me to the emergency room in time, and I didn’t die.
This whole past year has been a liminal experience for me: new job, new home, new friends, new disability. I’ve been wrestling with God the whole time, too, especially about my shoulder. What does it mean? Why did it happen? I haven’t quite figured it out yet. I don’t know if I ever will. But, I had a lot of time to reflect because of it. I gained a whole new perspective, a new appreciation for life. And, I got to see a whole new side of my dad, as he took care of me and nursed me back to health. He thought he was only going to be with me for a day or two, to help with the packing, but he ended up staying by my side for 3 months. I should probably ask him what he thinks about all of this.
The doctors told me it would take about a year for me to recover. Well, it’s been a year. Six months ago, I could only lift up my arm ninety degrees. Now, I can lift it up about ten degrees higher. I assume if I keep working on it, it’ll continue to get better, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get my full range of motion back. And at this point, I’m pretty sure I’ll always have some kind of discomfort with my shoulder. But, I’m here. And, I’m grateful for that.
I saw my orthopedist about a month ago, and he was so pleased with my progress that he said he didn’t need to see me anymore. And, my physical therapists are starting to wean me off of physical therapy. So, things are progressing. I don’t know how long I’ll be in this liminal space. I suspect it’s going to be for a long time. And, I’m sure I’ll spend the rest of my life wrestling with God over it.
The next time you find yourself in a liminal space, especially if that space frightens you, or worries you, or angers you, I invite you to look for God’s presence in it. Maybe you won’t even have to look, because you’ll already be wrestling with God over some aspect of it. But, if you find yourself there, look for God, and wrestle with God, if you have to. Remember that wrestling with God isn’t a bad thing. The people of Israel are God’s chosen people, and God named them “Wrestled with God.” Take time to notice when you’re in a liminal space, and acknowledge how challenging that can be. Invite God to be in that space with you. And maybe, do some wrestling. I’m sure God won’t mind. Amen.
~ Rev. Charles Wei
